Ten Ways to Unhinge Your Sanity

I'm working on the assumption that I'm sane...or relatively so. That may be an erroneous assumption these days.

1. Diligently attempt to unscrew and put fresh batteries in a disposable flashlight.
   Who knew they even made disposable flashlights anymore? Besides, shouldn't a disposable be clearly labeled? Wouldn't that make sense?  
2. Try to put a slip cover on a chair without reading the directions.
   OK, this should be a simple thing, right? I've sewn slipcovers and put them on with nary a hitch. This one, the first that I've bought, is absolutely not intuitive. I had to finally read the instructions and look for the center front and center back labels...after three days of frustration. On a different note, I do like this slipcover. It just says country to me. That's what I wanted and that's what I got. Boo's take on it is a bit different. He eyes the chair suspiciously every time he's in the living room and is hesitant to sit in it. Boo, it seems, isn't a big fan of floral chairs. Oh well...
3. Learn to play a video game rated for 4+ years old on our tablet.
   Am I smarter than a fourth grader? Not even close! Evidently four year olds have a leg up on me as well. This was supposed to be an easy way to relax. Instead, it's just one more way technology is defeating me...and the city I've been trying to save from alien invaders. I'd open peace negotiations, but the aliens are too busy bombing my poor city.
4. Try to reason with a displaced Cajun who is convinced that the bayou is flooding.
   To begin with, North Carolina doesn't have the first bayou. We wouldn't know what they are or what to do with them. Creeks, streams, rivers...those we have in abundance, but no bayous. With all the rain we've had lately, Boo firmly believes we're in Louisiana and the levy isn't holding. I gave up trying to reason with him this evening. I just asked what he thought we should do. He thought he should go to bed. That's where he and Boudreaux are. No life jackets. No boats.
5. Try to teach my almost 81 year old Mother to use a simple Nook.
   It's really easy. I can even do it. Not Mom. Not reliably anyway. Her fingernails are too long. She can't remember how to turn it on. She thinks it needs to find more books for her. And why can't it feel more like a book? Her nails were professionally manicured today. (Her hands shake too much for me to shape her nails.) I wrote out step by step instructions on the use of her Nook. I've downloaded additional books for her. Her Nook will feel like a Nook, however. That I can't fix. I know where I inherited my technologically challenged genes!
6. Update Mom's phone list for her notebook.
   This is still a theoretical notebook. I haven't exactly finished it for her yet. Just updating her phone list was an ordeal. First we had to discuss everyone on said list. I now know who is in a nursing home and who should be, who is retiring and what they planning to do once they retire, who's children are doing what for them and why and whose names are on her list and have to remain there even though she can't remember who they are anymore. I had a headache when I was done. Mom does have an updated phone list now, for what it's worth.
7. Explain why Boudreaux can't eat Spam.
   I'm not sure why I even tried. I doubt the cat would even sniff Spam, much less try to eat it. It's too salty for Boudreaux. It's made of things that we can't even pronounce. And just why do we have Spam in the first place? We don't eat it...too salty, unpronounceable ingredients, etc. Did the wicked witch of Spam pay us a visit when I wasn't paying attention?
8. Try to schedule all the doctor's appointments Mom and Boo have in a neighboring city on the same day.
   You know, I figured we'd do it all at once. Tiring, but once it's done, it's done for several months. That was my theory. Well, Mom and Boo's neurologist has decided to give up her private practice and work in the hospital. She won't be seeing private patients. Was it something I said??? We liked her. Now, it seems that the closest neurologist that is accepting new patients is in Charlotte. I can't wait for that trip. We'll all need an evaluation...which Boo and Mom will probably pass with flying colors and I'll fail miserably. I'm scared to call the cardiologists. Mom and Boo go to different practices. What if they both close their offices?
9. Convince a very fashion conscious woman that she must exchange her lovely sandals for shoes that offer more support and stability.
   This is a daily battle. Mom is absolutely convinced that I'll see the wisdom of allowing her to wear the beautiful sandals that she's bought to go with her wonderful, colorful summer outfits. They are beautiful. They do look lovely together. They just don't support her feet enough. Mom is less steady now than she was just a few months ago. In sandals, her feet slip and slide...which in turn, makes her slip and slide...which dramatically increases her risk of falling. I have also learned that Boo simply cannot be around when I'm explaining Mom's shoe situation to her in the morning...for his sake. Boo suggested that grandmothers should wear grandmother shoes. He made it out of the den with his skin intact...barely.
10. Try to make an all ice cream diet healthy.
    Really, I'm not even trying this one. Mom just wants ice cream for desert after breakfast, lunch and dinner. Actually, she'd rather have ice cream than a meal. I finally told her we could have smoothies once a day with fruits and veggies instead of a meal. If looks could kill, I'd be dead. That isn't ice cream. No indeed. Instead, I make whole grain muffins or French toast or crepes with fresh fruit for one meal. Sometimes that works without complaint. Not often, but sometimes.

Sanity? Well, not in our family. I think we've taken off the hinges and I'm pretty sure we've lost the screws.  Join the fun at Top Ten Tuesday where you'll find useful top ten lists every week!

Ten Quick Decluttering Tips

I am completely amazed at how quickly Boo, Boudreaux and I have accumulated an inordinate amount of stuff. Stuff that we don't use frequently. Stuff that we don't use at all. Stuff that “I think I'm going to use one day.” Stuff that “someone will want one day.” And far too much stuff that I no longer know why I bought or saved.

Even with my half-hearted attempts at decluttering several times in the past year, we still have quite a lot of stuff to toss or donate. According to two different articles I read recently, we could easily rid ourselves of thirty percent of our belongings and never miss them. Somehow, I think Boo and I could do without more than that. We'll see.

I've settled on separating our things into three piles: things to keep, things to donate and things to toss. That seems self explanatory. If I had more time, a yard sale or an online sale might be a good idea for some of the items that we'll be donating. That isn't something I've time to do right now. Another time, I would like to revisit the idea...especially the online sale.

Things to Keep

1. Is this something that we've used frequently in the last year?
   Yes, then it's probably a keeper.
2. If we haven't used it often, is it difficult or expensive to replace?
   Even if we haven't used this item often, keeping it may yet be a reasonable decision.
3. Is the item in good repair?
   If the item needs repair, I have to make a quick decision about whether it would be worthwhile to keep and repair once we move or whether it would be better to donate or toss the item.
4. Does this item have sentimental value?
   OK, I admit it. We likely have more sentimental things than we should and some aren't in good shape either. Still, they're important to us...emotionally at least.

Things to Donate

5. Is this item in reasonably good shape?
   It doesn't have to be in perfect shape, but useable.
6. Is this something that would be useful to someone at a different stage of life?
   When we moved once before, I donated over four hundred books. Many were children's books that we no longer needed. (The children already have the books they want and we saved quite a few for grandchildren.) I donated children's clothing, unused and duplicate kitchen items and DVDs. This time, I'll have many clothing items that we just don't wear anymore, audio books that Boo and I won't listen to anymore and other things that we just don't need.
7. If the item is no longer useful for it's intended use, can it be easily repurposed?
   Felted wool or stretched cashmere sweaters can be reused by crafty people. Bits and pieces left from completed craft projects and broken jewelry are hot items in thrift stores around here.

Things to Toss

8. Is this item damaged beyond repair?
   Don't think, just toss.
9. Is this something unlikely to be used or appreciated by anyone else?
   My old lecture noted from school aren't likely to be appreciated by anyone and need to go. (Can you believe I've kept some of them over thirty years?) Macaroni necklaces and toilet paper roll crafts from my children need to go too...after they're photographed, of course.
10. Is this something that I can store in another way?
    Like my father, I've accumulated some magazine and newspapers articles that I want to save. It's easy to scan or photograph them and toss the originals. I can save them on a flash drive and be on my way. Besides, I threw away most of the articles without saving them. I realized I just wouldn't reread them and they needed to go.

This time, I've set some rules for myself.

I set a timer and take breaks when the timer rings.

I put all trash in black bags. I can't see it. That helps. At meal times, I take all my trash bags outside.

All donated items go in white trash bags. I label each bag...large men's clothing, for crafts, etc. Not necessary, but it makes me feel better.

Sweep, dust and mop as I go. Sure I'll have to do it again, but it won't be as intense.

One of the reasons I hate to declutter...besides the fact that I'm a pack rat...is that I find it deadly dull work. Originally I planned to listen to an audio book while I worked. That didn't work too well. Instead, I've found myself praying.

Praying for those might need those things that we no longer need...as I pack things to be donated.

Thanking God for all the many things with which we've been blessed...when I feel overwhelmed by all we have.

Asking for discernment about what we really need...as I quickly sort all our stuff.

Thanking God for the blessing of my husband...as I sort and pack his things.

Asking for energy, strength and serenity for myself...as I sort and pack my things.

Isn't that just like God? Taking the deadly dull job that I dread, forcing me to work quickly and turning it into a blessing.

Yep, all those prayers I was begging for earlier are really working. Thank you...all of you...so much. Please keep them coming. I'm no where near finished and I'm still trying to arrange everything for the day we move.

Top Ten Tuesdays

Questions to Trigger Memories

One of the struggles Boo, like many who've had strokes or who are in the early stages of dementia, has is verbalizing what he remembers.  Usually once I ask Boo a leading question and then a follow up question that builds on the information he shared, Boo is well on his way to sharing a memory. 

This is also a wonderful, stress free way to encourage conversational skills.  Your elder generally remembers the past with little problem.  S/he doesn't need to be concerned about what day of the week it is or who the current president is.  S/he doesn't even need to remember who you are.  All they need to concentrate on is telling what they remember.  Many times, being encouraged to share memories triggers a renewed interest in connecting with people...which in turn encourages spontaneous conversations.

Here are a list of questions that I've used at various times to encourage Boo and others to communicate.

1. What stories did your parents tell you about how they met each other and about their courtship?
2. How did you celebrate Christmas when you were a child? What did you usually find in your stocking?
3. Tell me about the war stories in your family. Did your grandfather fight in the Civil War? Your father or uncles in one of the World Wars or Korea? You or your siblings in Vietnam?
4. What was your favorite meal as a youngster? Who made it and how often?
5. Tell me about your first job? How old were you? Who hired you? What did you do? How much were you paid?
6. Who was your best friend when you were growing up? What did the two of you like to do? Did the two of you ever get in trouble together?
7. Did your parents teach you to hunt, fish, sew, cook? Tell me about the first fish you caught or the first meal you cooked?
8. Where did you live growing up? Did you move? If so, why? Where did your parents and grandparents live?
9. Did you have a pet when you were a child? If so, what pet did you have? What was your pet's name? Did you teach it to do any tricks? Were you responsible for your pet's care?
10. Do you remember the first night you spent away from home? How old were you? Tell me about it.

Enjoy the conversations you have with your elder!  Make memories to cherish in the coming years!

 

We're linking with Titus 2sday, Teach Me Tuesday, and Top Ten Tuesday.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

While Boo is recovering from his kidney infection, we've had some wild conversations about everything from why cats have fur to reasons to give thanks. The last two days, I've read several quotes to Boo that he (and I) really liked. He insists that I add them to our thanks giving tree. I haven't been able to leave his side long enough to find an appropriate branch, “plant” it in a pot, and tie paper leaves to it. In years past, we've just written those things for which we are thankful on the leaves. I guess we'll be adding quotes this year...when I actually find the time to get a branch and cut out leaves.

Here are some of our favorite Thanksgiving quotes:

Bless the food before us,

the family beside us

and the love between us.

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest

appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

                                                                                           John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Blessed are those who can take without forgetting and give without remembering.

Gratitude shares.

Appreciation speaks.

Thankfulness shows.

Compassion does.

                             Jill Davis

“Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as the lips, and shows itself in deeds.”                                                                     Theodore Roosevelt

Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.

                                                                     Native American saying

“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.”

                                                              William Jennings Bryon

Almighty and gracious Father,

we give You thanks for the fruits of the earth in their season

and for the lavors of those who harvest them.

Make us, we pray, faithful stewards of Your great bounty,

for the provision of our necessities and the relief of all who are in need,

to the glory of Your name; through Jesus Christ our Lord,

who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit,

one God, now and forever.

Amen.

                                         Anglican Book of Common Prayer

Forever on Thanksgiving Day

The heart will find the pathway home.

                                               Wilbur D. Nesbit

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues"                          Cicero

 

 

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am so thankful that Boo is beginning to recover from his kidney infection, that Kim is having more comfortable days while continuing her battle with cancer, for all our family and friends and most of all, for a God who loves each of us as though we were His only child.

Top Ten Tuesday, On Your Heart Tuesdays, Gratituesday,

10 Audio Books Boo Likes

Because of Boo's limited vision, he listens to audio books. These are ten that he really likes. Just so you know, it was difficult to narrow this list down to ten. Boo kept thinking of books he'd listened to fairly recently...and he liked them all.

The Hobbit, J R R Tolkien Boo had never read anything by Tolkien. Never. So, although I've enjoyed his books for years, I didn't really expect Boo to do so. Wrong. He listened to the whole book in two days and then re-listened to it over a two week period. He loves it. {For Christmas he's getting the other books in this series.}

A Wrinkle in Time and Many Waters, Madeleine L'Engle Since Boo enjoyed The Hobbit so much, I downloaded these two. Once again he was hooked. L'Engle had a habit of writing young adult books that were both engaging and thought provoking. I wasn't sure how well the deeper parts would adapt to an audio book. Some books are just better read. These are awesome. Boo still discusses some of the issues...the importance of being loved and of loving, the link between trust and love, the interrelatedness of life, etc.

All the King's Men, Robert Penn Warren Boo loved all 21 hours of this. He listened to it in two days. I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as he did, though the ending was quite good.

Killing Kennedy, Bill O'Reilly and Martin Dugard Boo is a fan of anything written about Kennedy. So I knew this would be a hit. I didn't expect to listen to this book. I'm kind of burned out on all the conspiracy theories surrounding Kennedy's assassination. I can't begin to tell you how many books I've read aloud to Boo about it and well, I'm just tired of it. This was completely different. O'Reilly stated in the introduction that this book would deal with facts. It did. I found it a refreshing change from the many conspiracy theory books I'd read aloud.

The Chosen, Chaim Potok I'd read this in high school and several others by Potok and loved them. In fact, I still have my dog eared, much loved and reread paper back copies of several of his books. Boo listened to this because I wanted to hear it. Until last night, he's not really expressed an opinion on it and I assumed that he hadn't really liked it. I was wrong. He did like it and wants to listen to it again. The orthodox Jewish culture was completely different from anything he'd experienced. Evidently, the cultural differences consumed his attention when he listened to it this time. Boo said he remembers not being able to fully connect the story line because he was busy trying to understand the culture. This one we'll listen to again soon so that Boo can fully appreciate it.

Medusa, Clive Cussler and Paul Kemprecos Like all Cussler's books, this is an action packed, fast moving drama. Boo tends to like anything by Cussler and this one was no exception. I tend to consider these books as a man's equivalent of romance novels. Fluff with no real substance. That's just my opinion. They capture Boo's imagination and he can easily follow the story line.

The Life of the Spider, Jean Fabre Although I enjoyed this book years ago, I didn't think it would translate well as an audio book. Boo definitely disagrees! He's fascinated with the natural world and this book certainly feeds that passion.

The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood, Howard Pyle A couple of years ago I read Boo a book about Robin Hood while he was recovering from a stroke. He loved it then and still loves all books about Robin Hood. This is just the latest one that he's heard. On his good days, he'll compare the different renditions he's heard.

Heidi, Johanna Spyri Boo listened to this after his first stroke just because I already had it in audio form. He loved it. That completely took me by surprise. Boo generally asks to listen to Heidi every three or four months. He also goes on a cheese and bread kick then too. Just like Heidi ate. This past August, when he last listened to it, he wanted to listen to the old hymns that he remembered...just like Heidi sang for Grandmother. So, I found several hymns he remembered on You Tube. (How would I survive without the internet?)

And a bonus...

Orthodoxy, G K Chesterton Boo really does like this book although there are many days that he can't concentrate enough to “get it.” Orthodoxy is meant to be savored not rushed. So, Boo listens to small portions of it on good days. I can always tell when he's ready to hear more. He asks to hear more of “that book.” This book sparks a lot of discussion and thought.

By the way, after you vote, Chelle at Chelle's Creations has an awesome, free patriotic digital scapbooking kit.  I can't wait to use it later today!

 

Top Ten Tuesday

Preparing Your Elder for an Emergency

Hurricane Sandy brought me up short. I realized how much I didn't know that I knew I should know. Where is the closest evacuation shelter? Where are Boudreaux's vet records? Fortunately, we didn't need to evacuate. We are far enough inland that lots of wind, rain and cold weather was really all we experienced. Oh, and a partially downed tree and spotty internet service. I'm prepared now...for the next emergency.

Flashlights and spare batteries. One flashlight should be safely stowed beside your elder's favorite spots---their chair, bed, the back door. Candles are fine if your elder is steady and not easily confused. Flashlights are my choice with Boo and for any elder moving from room to room.

Fully charged cell phone with programed numbers. Any cell phone with good reception that your elder knows how to use will work.

Food and water. At least one gallon of potable water per person per day is the minimum. Protein bars, peanut butter or cheese crackers, fruit, Ensure or Glucerna and cereal bars are the types of foods I keep on hand for Boo at times like this. I absolutely do not want him to attempt to heat anything. If your elder is different, stock up on those foods that are easily prepared and a simple way to prepare them. Additional water should be reserved for personal cleaning.

Medication, medical equipment, medical history and medical power of attorney. Having these items together and ready to go is an absolute necessity. Medical equipment includes glucometer and test strips, blood pressure monitor, walker or cane. They should be kept beside your packed bag. Another important item I include is the names, addresses and phone numbers of several friends and the places they've planned to be during an emergency---work, specific evacuation shelter, etc.

Packed evacuation bag. This bag should include a complete change of comfortable clothes for three or four days. Important things to remember: denture supplies, incontinence supplies, small items to help you feel more comfortable. For Boo, small items include a 4x6 brag book of photos that help orient him, a knotted cord rosary and a small hand held cross one of his daughters gave him.

Be sure to have photo identification on you. Your driver's license or state identification, Medicare and insurance cards and a card listing phone numbers of family and friends. If you're in an accident or become confused, identification and contact people are extremely important.

Full tank of gas, flashlight, bottles of water and nonperishable snacks, tarp and a blanket in car. Just in case you're redirected to another area or cannot reach your shelter immediately, you'll be prepared. A silver space blanket is good to have. It is very lightweight, waterproof and helps to conserve body heat.

Know the location of the closest shelter and several routes to it. This one should be self explanatory. If you don't know shelter locations in your area, the police department, social services or local hospital are good places to ask. Checking in advance to familiarize yourself with the shelter is a very good idea. Are there steps that might be problematic? There shouldn't be, but sometimes are.

Have an evacuation plans for any pets. Have a pet carrier and/or a sturdy leash and collar, food, prepared litter box (if needed) and vet record including rabies vaccine information. Some shelters accept pets. You need to know this in advance! If it does not, which veterinarians or animal shelters accept animals during a temporary emergency. Just as with any shelter, know the location and several routes.

Have a firm plan for contacting family once you have reached safety. Generally, it's a good idea to choose someone not in your immediate area as your contact person. This helps to ensure that your contact person is not searching for shelter themselves. Many shelters will assist elders in contacting one person. Instead of cell phone calls, text messages are suggested as creating less of a load on the system. When phone lines and cell towers are down, ham radio operators can be contacted by shelter personnel to get in touch with one contact person. This isn't a fast service, but it does work.

Top Ten Tuesday, Teach Me Tuesday, Titus 2sday

Autumn Poems

Boo seems to love poetry. He remembers my Mother reading poetry to him after his strokes. She read poems that she'd read to her elementary school students when she taught and some poems by Robert Frost. I often read poetry to Boo at lunch as an incentive to eat. He enjoys the rhythm and language of poetry...and will quote portions of poems that he likes at the oddest times. Here are some of his favorite autumn poems. Listen and enjoy.

The Raggedy Man, James Whitcomb Riley  found here.

 

Little Orphant Annie, James Whitcomb Riley found here.

This is recited by a 91 year old lady, Anna Fry.

When the Frost is on the Punkin', James Whitcomb Riley found here.

 

The Village Blacksmith, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow found here.

 

Woodman, Spare That Tree, George Pope Morris found here.

 

God's Grandeur, Gerald Manley Hopkins found here.

 

The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost found here.

This is read by Robert Frost himself.  This is one of my favorites.  I remember my father reading it to us in the fall.

 

 

The Raven, Edgar Allen Poe found here.

This is read by Vincent Price.  I always found Vincent Price scary.  Boo just laughs at me.

Autumn, John Clare found here.

Richard Burton read this.

 

 

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night..., Dylan Thomas found here.

 

Top Ten Tuesday

 

Boo's Rainy Day Occupations

About the time Boo was ready to get up and move around yesterday, it started raining. He was some kind of upset. After shaking his fist at the rain and muttering under his breath for a few minutes, he sat on the coffee table and announced that he was going to have fun. And he did. He kept me guessing all day!

Add sprinkles to your oatmeal. First thing, he picked at the oatmeal he'd asked to eat for breakfast. Finally he asked for some spices. I brought several that I thought would entice him to eat. No go. He wanted colorful ones. I found some sprinkles leftover from heaven only knows when. Just the thing. He took his time decorating his oatmeal and then devoured it.

Watch the weather and “help” the weather man. The weather man announced that it was cloudy with a chance of rain. And it probably was when that segment was taped. At our house, it was pouring. Boo opened the front door and looked at the clouds and the deluge of rain, looked back at the TV and gave his rather forceful opinion.

Have Communion with your cat on your lap. By the time the wonderful ladies from Immaculate Conception brought Boo Communion this morning, he was shaky. Normally he calms down when they come. Today...well, he was scared. He wanted Boudreaux and his cat came running when he called. Boudreaux curled up in Boo's lap and purred while Boo received Communion. That thrilled Boo and definitely relaxed him. I'm so grateful that Lucy and Marguerita just go with the flow and encourage Boo to do whatever he needs to do to feel comfortable.

Empty all the trash cans into the bathtub. That is, all the trash cans he could find. He's never done this before...and I'd just as soon he never do it again. Boo, however, seemed to take great pleasure in it. While I cleaned up the mess in the bathtub, I redirected him. If he wanted to be helpful (and I do like helpful), I decided he could use the Libman spray mop to mop the floors. He enthusiastically “mopped” the floors. Boo refused to spray, but he did like mopping.

Learn to crochet. This was all his idea. I guess since I sat down to crochet for a little while, he thought he should learn. So I got a skein of yarn and a hook and proceeded to explain and show him how to begin. He watched and listened. Then, he pulled out a length of yarn, cut it and began tying knots in it. Lots of knots. After it looked right to him, he called Boudreaux and played snake with him. The cat loved it. And Boo was pleased with himself.

Hide under the electric blanket. While I prepared Boo's peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, I heard him in the dining room. Since he seldom actually sits at that table, I decided he was just in the mood for new things today. However, when I went in the dining room, he was nowhere to be found. I did notice that Boudreaux's tail was showing underneath the electric blanket that I'd spread over two chairs to dry after washing it earlier. I lifted a corner and found Boo grinning like a mad man. We ate lunch under the blanket.

Shred the junk mail. Before I made it to the bedroom, I heard the shredder. I ran! Heaven only knows what Boo was shredding. He'd plugged the shredder into the electrical outlet---something he hasn't done in years, and was busy shredding my stack of junk mail. I know I should shred anything with our address before I throw it away. And I mean to, but I seldom do. Instead, I collect a pile of things to shred. My pile is gone now. Thanks Boo!

Teach the cat to jump over a yard stick. Well, Boo tried. Oh how he tried! Boudreaux was interested in the attention, but either couldn't figure out what Boo wanted or just wasn't interested in learning tricks. Boo would call Boudreaux who would come running. Boo would show the cat the yard stick and tell him to jump. The cat smelled the stick, licked the stick and walked all around the stick. He would even sit down and listen to Boo explain what he wanted. Would he step over the stick? Not on your life. I just don't see the circus in this cat's future.

Listen to a book from Audible. Boo listened to Killing Kennedy by Bill O'Reilly and Martin Dugard. He listened to all eight and a half hours of it from the comfort of his bed. I know that's over doing it for him and that his retention of a whole book at once will be limited at best. Boo wanted to listen to all of it and objected every time I asked if he was ready to turn it off. He's always been interested in the Kennedy administration and his assassination. This book seemed more factual than many I've read to him.

Listen to the fish. At three am, Boo woke me and announced that he was going to the living room if I needed him. Boudreaux and I went with him to guard and protect. After all, Boo tends to be more confused in the dark and the front door is right there. An early morning stroll in the dark was not on my agenda! Boo watched the fish and listened for ten or fifteen minutes (to the pump?) and then went back to bed and promptly fell asleep.

Yesterday was a very unusual day for Boo. Although I had to be far more vigilant than usual, Boo was more animated. He definitely had fun and was more self directed than he has been in quite a while. I'd like for him to have more “fun days.” Although I guess I need to do some planning and have several instant activities to suggest. Still, Boo's animation was great. Now, I'm tired. While Boo sleeps, I think I will too.

Top Ten Tuesday

10 Simple {Cheap} Elder care Helps

Use inexpensive dish cloths for napkins, spills, gentle tactile stimulation.

Boo uses an inordinate amount of paper towels daily...or he would if I provided them. For the sake of our environment and our budget, I don't. I have used handkerchiefs and old washcloths, but Boo seemed intent on losing those. It seems they just weren't attractive and he was more interested in losing them than using them. A few weeks ago, I bought a package of a dozen brown plaid dish cloths---very manly, you know--- at Family Dollar for less than five dollars. Bingo...Boo loves them. He uses them as napkins, to wipe up anything he spills and bonus of bonuses, the slight texture of the cloths is just right for rubbing between his fingers. The tactile stimulation seems to help him self calm.

Knit caps. Even I know this one is a bit unusual. The seasons are changing here which means it's getting colder. We're talking about the low 50's not freezing temperatures. As far as Boo's concerned, it might as well be 50 below. Once he gets cold, it's really hard for him to get warm. Last night, even with the bedroom at 80 degrees, Boo was shivering. I was roasting. Then, I remembered camping in the winter. We wore knit caps when we slept to conserve our body heat. I plunked a knit cap on Boo's head and thirty minutes later, he wasn't shivering. He was comfortable at last and I turned the heat down.

Wyler's sugar free individual drink mixes. These are so easy. Boo dislikes water from time to time. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to this particular dislike. He must remain well hydrated, however. There are seven or eight different varieties at our local Family Dollar. They're also sold at grocery stores. I just add one packet to Boo's water bottle and he'll drink it with no complaint. They're also convenient to add to his outing backpack with snack foods. I know these little packets are chock full of chemicals and add nothing healthful to Boo's diet. I consider them a decent trade off for staying well hydrated. (Even slight dehydration can worsen Boo's confusion and cause spikes in his blood sugar. So, I'm diligent about ensuring that he's hydrated.)

Small rubber balls to squeeze. This is a tremendous gentle hand strengthener. We had tried the balls filled with sand. Let me mention here the HUGE mess a little bit of fine sand makes in a bed or on the floor. The small rubber balls are far better. I generally crochet a simple cotton thread cover for the balls. They tend to bounce less when dropped and they provide some tactile stimulation.

Spray hand cleaner. The alcohol based cleaners are far too harsh for Boo's skin. The hand cleaner in a squirt bottle is too messy and Boo doesn't like the gel feel of it. Instead, a home health agency provided a sample of a spray hand cleaner to try. This is evidently not an isolated problem. The 12 ounce version of Boo's sample was over twenty dollars. Rather too expensive I thought. Instead, we experimented and came up with our own solution. I mix three parts distilled water with one part baby shampoo or liquid Castile soap, pour it in spray bottles from the dollar store and instant spray hand cleaner. Even if Boo doesn't adequately rinse his hands, it isn't drying or greasy.

Simple homemade phone book. Boo has used this in the past when he was able to place phone calls. Sadly, he can no longer do that. I bought a small 4 x 6 photo book at the dollar store. On one page, I put a photograph of a person or place that Boo might want to call. On the opposite page, I put a white index card with the name and phone number. Until Boo's second stroke, this was a very useful tool.

Rice filled heating packs. This is an easy I'm-cold or my-____-hurts remedy. I have several small freezer zip lock baggies filled with one quarter to one third cup of uncooked rice. Heat in the microwave for 30 to 45 seconds, wrap in a washcloth and apply to cold or hurting area. These don't get hot enough to burn Boo...at least not when heated less than 45 seconds. They also seem to provide just enough warmth to soothe Boo, but not enough to harm him. I have seen lovely pouches that enclose the rice bags, but I've never gotten around to making one.

Individual sets of clothes. This was once a life saver for me and enabled Boo to help himself. I put a full set of clothes including socks and underwear in a large Zip lock bag. I cheated and stored these in the bathroom. Boo could change clothes as needed without asking for help. Boo can seldom manage changing clothes without help now, but he still knows where to find his “spare clothes.”

Towels as under pads Those wonderful waterproof under pads are great time savers when your elder is slightly incontinent---stress incontinence or those oops moments. Boo is sensitive to the plastic waterproofing. So, I looked for alternatives. I bought a couple of cloth waterproof pads for fifteen dollars apiece. They're great, but are obvious...not so great for Boo's self-esteem. Instead, he favors towels. On his “upset” days, a quick towel thrown in the seat of a chair or on the bed makes clean up quick and easy and less embarrassing. Because they're cotton, they don't cause any skin problems. They're also not waterproof. So, they're only useful for minor accidents.

Instant nonslip socks. Puffy fabric paint on the bottom of washed socks creates instant nonslip socks. I wish this worked on the bottom of shoes, but it hasn't for us. Boo's diabetic socks don't always come in nonslip varieties. Since he almost always uses slippers, that's not the end of the world. Yesterday, Boo hopped up to make a trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night without his slippers...and came close to falling. All his socks are now nonslip. It's a simple remedy to help prevent falls.

Top Ten Tuesday

Triggering Memories

Recording memories for Boo and some for my Mother has become a weekly activity. I found that if I push Boo too much to remember, he seems to close down and remember nothing. On the other hand, if we work on memories once a week and vary the “memory triggers,” then we have a lot more success. Here are ten simple ways I've found that seem to work well.

Old Photos

This is an easy one. Unless vision is an issue, looking at old family photos is a good prompt for reluctant memories. Mention things you notice in the photo that may not immediately trigger a reaction from your elder. The roses growing on the fence...what's the story behind those? Maybe Grandpa planted them for Grandma as a token of his affection or a neighbor gave Grandma cuttings from their rose bush that Grandma nurtured until they took off.

Recipes

My grandmothers and Boo's mother seldom seemed to rely on recipes. I wish they had. Nothing seems to taste as good as what I remember eating at their tables. Boo can describe dishes his mother and aunts made. Sometimes, that's enough for me to attempt the recipe. Usually, I search cookbooks and online recipe sites for similar recipes and then try to replicate one of Boo's “food memories.”

Family Treasures

This one is easy also. Who crocheted that table runner or the edgings on the pillow cases? Who made the table? Even if specific memories of that particular item are not forthcoming, general memories of Dad making furniture or Grandma's quilting bees may be unearthed. Looking at a handmade bedstead in an antique shop triggered a memory of his mother and aunts gathering moss to make mattresses when he was growing up.

Vintage Advertisements

On one of Boo's better vision days, we looked at old advertisements online. While he didn't seem to remember any of the advertisements we saw, they did bring back lots of memories. He described old cars his father had owned, trips they had taken when he was growing up and memories of one of his uncles working on cars at family gatherings. Boo remembered the cost of doughnuts at a local school, candy bars and peanut butter from various times.

Here's a link to one site for vintage advertisements.

Historical Events

What can your elder remember about WWI or II or the Korean War? Even if they didn't actually serve in the military, they may have memories of victory gardens, of rationing, of the return of family members or neighbors from the war or of their mothers or aunts working in war time factories. 

 

Old Songs

This has been a good one for Boo. Sing a longs were much more prevalent in years past than they are now. Older songs seem to trigger a lot of memories for Boo. He remembers singing while picking cotton when growing up. (He HATED picking cotton and gladly found other ways to earn money as soon as he was able!) I've found to be You Tube a great source for these old songs.

Walk through the old neighborhood

I've done this with my mother. Well, walk is probably overstating what we actually did. We slowly ambled. We strolled and we stopped frequently for Mother to reminisce. I learned who used to live in the house on the corner and all about them. I learned why my family called short cafe curtains Carrie Bell curtains. On that walk, I probably learned more about that street than I'd ever known.

Reading vintage children's books

This one I discovered by complete accident. Looking through some old books online, Boo asked me to read one to him. I told him he wouldn't be interested, that it was a children's story. Because he really wanted to hear it, I read it and showed him the old illustrations. Boo hadn't heard that book, but he told of others he did remember. I'm still looking for a copy of the early reader he had in school that featured a monkey. I learned to read with Sally, Dick and Jane. He had a monkey!

Visiting “Old Time” Festival Days

We haven't tried this because crowds and noise are such an issue for Boo. Watching threshing machines or old tractors could easily trigger memories. Seeing old machines, crafts and so forth should be a good memory inducer. Perhaps museums would be another possibility.

Family Reunions or visits with siblings, cousins, etc.

Seeing and talking to siblings and other relatives is bound to trigger do-you-remember-when moments. Or family arguments if your family is the argumentative type. Usually after talking to his sisters on the phone, Boo relates family stories. Mother just seems to come alive at family reunions. She's a veritable fount of family memories there.

Now that you've triggered memories.  Record them!

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Ten Things Dementia Cannot Do

Dementia can take so much away from Boo at times---his memories, his ability to function independently. His life has changed and changed dramatically in the last few years. This week end Boo and I talked about just how limited dementia really is. Several times he told me, “Dementia may be my cross, but it isn't me.”

It all started when I read him a poster about how limited cerebral palsy is. He thought about it and started talking. For once, I had a pen and the back of a grocery list to scribble notes while he talked. Even living with Boo every day, I missed so many of the ways dementia has not changed him. I guess I never really thought about that aspect of it. Just the limitations.

Dementia cannot

...kill my enjoyment of the PRESENT.

...lessen the power of TOUCH.

...diminish my STRENGTH.

...overshadow my JOY.

...crush my LOVE.

...control my ATTITUDE.

...take away my LOYALTY.

...steal my SELF.

...destroy my FAITH.

...deny me ETERNAL LIFE.

Boo's list of ways dementia does not limit him may not apply to everyone with dementia. They may not all apply to him later. Dementia is a strange disease that affects everyone a little differently. We don't know what the future holds. We do know Who holds our future in His hands...and that makes all the difference. 

 

 

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Ten Ways to Love Your Partner

Be gentle with each other.

“With all humility and mildness, with patience, supporting one another in charity.” Ephesians 4:2

Since Boo's strokes, this one has been very important to our relationship. We both have to be gentle with each other in so many ways. Using a quiet, calm tone of voice and gentle touches with Boo reassure him that I care about him even when he is agitated or confused. In turn, Boo is very gracious with me when I am frustrated. He's good at reminding me that as long as we work together, everything will be alright.

Build each other up.

“Therefore let us follow after the things that are of peace; and keep the things that are of edification towards one another.” Romans 14:19

There are so many outside forces that work to tear us down that we need to actively build each other up. A simple practice that Boo and I began before we were married is to tell each other just one thing that we appreciate about the other every night. Even when Boo is confused, this is still an ingrained habit and he'll remind me if I forget.

Listen without interrupting.

“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”

Proverbs 18:13

This is definitely one on which I need to work. It's such a simple thing. And yet, the simple things are often the hardest. I need to slow myself down and just wait while Boo gathers his thoughts and talks.

Be uncomplainingly hospitable with each other.

“Practice hospitality ungrudgingly to one another.” I Peter 4:9

Boo's needs are fairly basic. He needs to know where I am and where Boudreaux is. He needs calm and peaceful surroundings. If I meet those few needs, Boo is comfortable in his home. Love calls for me to meet those needs and to meet them without complaint.

Encourage each other in our faith.

“...and let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works...” Hebrews 10:24

Boo is good about “stirring up” my faith by example. I've learned so much from him, especially since his strokes. Boo prays often during the day. Besides our morning and bed prayer times, Boo often asks to pray during the day. During the night, I often wake to his voice praying for family and friends and thanking God for all his blessings. Such a wonderful example!

Keep our promises to each other.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

Recently, I've realized that I sometimes promise Boo that we'll take a walk, eat a special dessert or talk to a child on the phone without thought. My lack of thought, while not intending to, has hurt Boo sometimes. Rain or heat may make a planned walk unwise. Elevated blood sugar may eliminate a longed for dessert from the menu that day. Confusion in the evening when children are home may make a phone call more frustrating than welcome. I need to be more careful about making promises and more careful about keeping the ones that I make.

Pray for the healing of our spouse.

“...and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven.” James 5:16

OK, given our particular situation, praying for healing has been a daily part of our lives together. Recognizing God's answer to that prayer isn't always easy. His answers aren't always what I had in mind...and yet, He knows best. Looking back over the last three years, Boo has made tremendous strides and has improved in ways that we were assured by specialists were not possible. One of the ways that I know God has answered our prayer is by giving us both the needed strength and stamina to continue to work toward healing.

Forgive without punishing.

“...forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Colossians 3:13

I'm really grateful that Boo is so good at this! When I'm impatient or grouchy, he always forgives me and doesn't bring it up again. That's such a blessing. I know when he forgives me, it's over and when I do the same thing again, he'll forgive me again. I don't have to wait for him to “get even.” It's really forgiven.

Accept each other without conditions.

“Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God...” Romans 14:10

For Boo and for me, accepting each other without conditions is a healing and an essential part of our relationship. Both of us have struggled with this. After all, don't we all have preconceived ideas of what our ideal spouse will be like? Reality is different. Being accepted where I am, as I am, is one of the most loving things Boo does for me.

Fight fear by growing together in love.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love.”

I John 4:18

So often I find myself worrying about the future, about how to handle problems that just don't exist yet. Boo's fears are more immediate. Still, both of us are learning to uphold each other during these times. We are learning to trust in God's love for us and in our love for each other. Boo is very good at reminding me that I don't need to worry, God is holding us. Words that I need to hear often.

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