Be
gentle with each other.
“With
all humility and mildness, with patience, supporting one another in
charity.” Ephesians 4:2
Since Boo's strokes, this one
has been very important to our relationship. We both have to be
gentle with each other in so many ways. Using a quiet, calm tone of
voice and gentle touches with Boo reassure him that I care about him
even when he is agitated or confused. In turn, Boo is very gracious
with me when I am frustrated. He's good at reminding me that as long
as we work together, everything will be alright.
Build
each other up.
“Therefore
let us follow after the things that are of peace; and keep the things
that are of edification towards one another.” Romans
14:19
There are so many outside forces
that work to tear us down that we need to actively build each other
up. A simple practice that Boo and I began before we were married is
to tell each other just one thing that we appreciate about the other
every night. Even when Boo is confused, this is still an ingrained
habit and he'll remind me if I forget.
Listen
without interrupting.
“If
one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
Proverbs
18:13
This
is definitely one on which I need to work. It's such a simple thing.
And yet, the simple things are often the hardest. I need to slow
myself down and just wait while Boo gathers his thoughts and talks.
Be
uncomplainingly hospitable with each other.
“Practice
hospitality ungrudgingly to one another.” I
Peter 4:9
Boo's needs are fairly basic.
He needs to know where I am and where Boudreaux is. He needs calm
and peaceful surroundings. If I meet those few needs, Boo is
comfortable in his home. Love calls for me to meet those needs and
to meet them without complaint.
Encourage
each other in our faith.
“...and
let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works...”
Hebrews 10:24
Boo is good about “stirring
up” my faith by example. I've learned so much from him, especially
since his strokes. Boo prays often during the day. Besides our
morning and bed prayer times, Boo often asks to pray during the day.
During the night, I often wake to his voice praying for family and
friends and thanking God for all his blessings. Such a wonderful
example!
Keep
our promises to each other.
“Hope
deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of
life.” Proverbs 13:12
Recently, I've realized that I
sometimes promise Boo that we'll take a walk, eat a special dessert
or talk to a child on the phone without thought. My lack of thought,
while not intending to, has hurt Boo sometimes. Rain or heat may
make a planned walk unwise. Elevated blood sugar may eliminate a
longed for dessert from the menu that day. Confusion in the evening
when children are home may make a phone call more frustrating than
welcome. I need to be more careful about making promises and more
careful about keeping the ones that I make.
Pray
for the healing of our spouse.
“...and
the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise
him up; and if he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven.”
James 5:16
OK, given our particular
situation, praying for healing has been a daily part of our lives
together. Recognizing God's answer to that prayer isn't always easy.
His answers aren't always what I had in mind...and yet, He knows
best. Looking back over the last three years, Boo has made
tremendous strides and has improved in ways that we were assured by
specialists were not possible. One of the ways that I know God has
answered our prayer is by giving us both the needed strength and
stamina to continue to work toward healing.
Forgive
without punishing.
“...forbearing
one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving
each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Colossians 3:13
I'm really grateful that Boo is
so good at this! When I'm impatient or grouchy, he always forgives
me and doesn't bring it up again. That's such a blessing. I know
when he forgives me, it's over and when I do the same thing again,
he'll forgive me again. I don't have to wait for him to “get
even.” It's really forgiven.
Accept
each other without conditions.
“Why
do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise
your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of
God...” Romans 14:10
For Boo and for me, accepting
each other without conditions is a healing and an essential part of
our relationship. Both of us have struggled with this. After all,
don't we all have preconceived ideas of what our ideal spouse will be
like? Reality is different. Being accepted where I am, as I am, is
one of the most loving things Boo does for me.
Fight
fear by growing together in love.
“There
is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear. For fear
has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in
love.”
I
John 4:18
So often I find myself worrying
about the future, about how to handle problems that just don't exist
yet. Boo's fears are more immediate. Still, both of us are learning
to uphold each other during these times. We are learning to trust in
God's love for us and in our love for each other. Boo is very good
at reminding me that I don't need to worry, God is holding us. Words
that I need to hear often.
