Does God Care About Cats?

This past Friday we had quite a scare with Boudreaux, Boo's “four legged son” and fearless tiger cat. Boudreaux developed a virus and quickly became a very sick cat. Boo was inconsolable. This was his cat, his favorite companion.

On the advice of some friends who raise horses, I called the vet school...which, as it turns out, is only a few miles away. (It also has very reasonable rates. Thank goodness!) After describing Boudreaux's symptoms, we made a trip to have the poor cat checked. Originally, they wanted to keep Boudreaux for a few days. Boo's tears and great distress at being separated from his “son” for even a few days, got Boudreaux a reprieve. Instead, he got fluids and a blood transfusion---the cat, not Boo. A few tests were run. Some medication was dispensed for me to administer. And we were sent home.

Besides the medications, I had to give Boudreaux a mixture of chicken baby food, boiled water and Knox gelatin every two hours with a child's medicine dropper because the cat did NOT want anything. By Sunday, the little cat began to look more like himself and continues to improve. He has begun to rise from Boo's side to slowly explore his surroundings again for short periods of time. Now, if Boo stays away from Boudreaux longer than the cat would like, he meows pitifully and Boo will all but break his neck to get back to his cat. And I thought the two were inseparable before!

As a result of his virus, Boudreaux has a terrible case of dermatitis. His handsome red fur coat is rather bedraggled. There are several spots that are bald. If he doesn't stop licking, he may develop a few more. Tomorrow when Boudreaux has his follow up appointment, they'll address that issue. From tests that have already been run, we know that his skin problems aren't caused by ringworm. The guess the other night was dehydration. I'll be so glad when Boo's little tiger cat is healthy again!

(For those who might wish to know, Boudreaux does not have anything that is contagious to humans. He is up to date on all his shots and has never been sick in the past.)

Boudreaux's illness created a crisis of faith for Boo. This cat has been Boo's companion since his third stroke. And in many cases, a saving grace. When Boo wouldn't talk or answer questions about himself, he would talk about his cat. When he wouldn't work on strengthening his left hand, he could be enticed to brush Boudreaux with his left hand. Today, Boo sat outside on the deck and took a short walk only because Boudreaux needed fresh air. Boudreaux has been a safety net for Boo. I catch Boo telling Boudreaux his thoughts, especially when he's confused. Boo would be lost without his cat's company.

Boo wanted a prayer for his cat. Not just any prayer, but a special prayer for cats. There are no prayers specifically for cats in the prayer books we have. I did find several prayers for animals in a rural life prayer book in EWTN's archives. I thought spontaneous prayers would be great and Boo did too. Later, he was able to explain that he didn't want to forget anything. He didn't want to take any chances with his precious cat. That's why he wanted a written prayer. He forgets too often what he means to say. That makes sense.

Next Boo wanted me to immediately call our parish church and have Boudreaux put on the list of sick. I resisted. Finally, I called to let Boo talk to one of the priests. Boo was assured that God does indeed care for all His creatures and that the health and well being of all companion animals would be prayed for on Sunday. He also prayed with Boo on the phone.

Yesterday one of the priests at our parish called to check on Boo and Boudreaux and to let Boo know that prayers were offered. He even offered to come to the house, but Boo declined his offer. Boo thought visitors might upset Boudreaux. Nevertheless, that unexpected follow up call meant more to Boo than that priest will ever know.

Boo's faith has been restored. Someone cares about him and his cat. Someone took his concern seriously...and they even remembered Boudreaux's name! I appreciate a priest in our very busy parish taking the time ensure that Boo knew that his concerns were important. What a blessing!

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No Looking Back

“ Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.”

Blessed John Paul II

In no way are the decisions I've made the right decisions for everyone. God will guide each of us to make the decisions that are best for us and for our loved ones...at that moment. Please turn to Him for ultimate guidance. What I share is based on my experience. God loves you and your loved one. He alone knows what is best in your unique situation.

I remember the day Boo had his second stroke. That was the day our lives changed irrevocably. We'd been married less than two months and our commitment to each other and our marriage was tested.

I knew that my responsibility was taking the best care of Boo that I could. At the time, I really didn't know just what that would look like. I was sure that after Boo had a brief rehabilitation at home, I'd be able to return to work and our lives would return to normal.

That was my plan.

That was not what happened.

It became apparent to Boo's doctor, his therapists and to me that he simply wouldn't be able to handle eight to nine hours alone so that I could return to work full time. In fact, he couldn't handle three or four hours alone.

This time my resolve to stay home with Boo and care for him was stronger. I wasn't sure just how we were going to make our limited budget stretch to meet our basic needs. I did know that was a minor consideration and one that we'd manage somehow.

The larger consideration was my commitment and my willingness to learn ways to care for Boo that were supportive and that would not diminish his sense of self worth. This was and remains a learning experience for me.

All along the way, there have been choices. Do I want to continue to care for Boo at home? Absolutely and resoundingly, I do. Is being cared for at home best for Boo? This decision I make with input from Boo's doctors, therapists and from friends who see and interact with both of us frequently. Currently, the answer is yes...with some reservations from one of his current doctors because she feels that I am too young to “be trapped at home with an invalid.” (She also believes that dementia patients are always best cared for in an institutional setting.)

For Boo, for me, for now...being at home is the best option.

Our future is in God's Hands. Only He knows what lies ahead.

I choose to look forward not at the past. I cannot dwell on the I-wish and the we-planned themes. I choose to focus on what I believe God wants me to do...today.

Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don't.

Thankfully I serve a forgiving God...Who loves me as I am, where I am. And Who prods me to go forward.

How do you make decisions about what is best for your loved one?

Pray...first and foremost...and continually.

Talk to your loved one. Involve him or her in the decision making process as much as possible.

Ask for advice from your loved one's medical providers and from those who know you well.

Find and use the resources in your community.

Find or create a support group for yourself and for your loved one.

Make the necessary decisions...knowing that no decision is final. If what you try first doesn't work, modify your plan.

If your loved one is not yet at a point that these decisions are immediate, start talking. Start looking at options. Start making tentative plans. It is far easier to make these plans together now than to try to do so when you are emotionally distraught.

It is my prayer that the God Who loves us,

Who forgives us,

Who catches us when we fall,

Who carries us when we can walk no longer,

will guide each of us

as we struggle to find His best for us and for our loved one.

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Unveiled Wife

Ten Things I've Learned (in the last three years)

1. I've learned to ASK QUESTIONS.
   OK, I did ask questions before, but now I've taken it to a different level. A couple of years ago, one of Boo's doctors called me the Question Lady. If I don't know something, I ask. If I don't understand, I ask...and I continue asking until I understand. If I simply don't understand one person's explanation, then I ask if there's anyone else who can explain it right then. Sometimes a different explanation can make a tremendous difference. However, I have an absolute rule: Until I understand, I do not leave and I keep asking!
2. I've learned that I am Boo's best ADVOCATE.
   Boo cannot adequately communicate in the hurried environment of a doctor's office and doesn't clearly understand his limitations. As his wife and caregiver, it is my responsibility to ensure that the doctor, nurse, therapist, etc. has a clear understanding of Boo's needs and to ensure that those needs are being met. I've learned to speak up early and often and to be insistently polite.
3. I've learned to SYSTEMATICALLY RECORD medical information.
   I've come to depend heavily on Boo's home health notebook. In an emergency, I cannot accurately remember his blood pressure readings every fifteen minutes. So, I write them down. Emergency personnel can more easily determine the best course of action if they know what has recently taken place. Boo's primary care physician can more readily spot “hidden” issues and adjust his care accordingly when s/he reviews Boo's daily and weekly records.
4. I've learned the importance of CONSISTENT PHYSICAL AND COGNATIVE THERAPY.
   Since Boo's strokes, he seems to lose his abilities more rapidly when he doesn't use them often. So, we have an ongoing daily therapy routine at home. Improvements come slowly. It's been over two years since his last stroke and he's just beginning to follow and participate in thirty minute conversations consistently.
5. I've learned to be an INFORMED AND RESPONSIBLE CONSUMER.
   This is an ongoing process for me! One of Boo's walkers had a flaw and needed to be replaced. Contacting the medical supply center from which we purchased it was not enough. I also had to prove that this brand of walker had a particular flaw. Another way I try to be a good consumer is by investigating all forms of treatment. Just because one form of treatment may be in vogue at the moment, doesn't mean that it is the most appropriate treatment for Boo. One doctor insisted that a certain drug was the drug of choice to treat type 2 diabetes. With further questioning, he admitted that even though Boo was having some nasty side effects he wasn't familiar enough with other drugs to prescribe them. We found another doctor that day.
6. I've learned to expect and insist on POLITENESS AND RESPECT from anyone in contact with Boo.
   Very sadly we've had too many experiences where Boo is ignored or marginalized. Even worse are the few times when he's actually been mistreated. We went to one dentist that yelled at Boo. I expect medical personnel to be respectful and polite and will promptly intervene when that isn't the case. In a public place, sometimes a little polite education is needed.
7. I've learned to THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
   So many of Boo's little quirks since his strokes are due to his inability to adequately communicate that I've learned to think outside the norm. When he resisted a particular cognitive exercise, I had to examine it from all angles. Finally, I realized that it wasn't the type of exercise, but the silly, inane readings that he was supposed to remember for several hours. As soon as we substituted readings that were meaningful to him, he actively participated.
8. I've learned to let him DO AS MUCH AS HE CAN.
   Instead of rushing through dressing, eating, etc., I've learned to let Boo take things at his own pace. If it takes him forty minutes to dress himself, then that's what it takes. If he needs external prompts to remember how to perform daily activities, then I make sure they're in place. As independent as Boo is, nothing compensates for that feeling of accomplishment.
9. I've learned to be more PATIENT with myself and with Boo.
   This is definitely the time to let go of our perfectionist tendencies. Our home will never be as clean and decorated as I'd like. (OK, it wasn't before either.) There are so many things that I feel I should do, but simply can't right now. I can breathe. I can calm myself, do what I am able to do and leave the rest for later. Besides Boo is able to do far more when he doesn't feel pressured or rushed.
10. I've learned to PRAY more consistently.
    Absolutely nothing accomplishes more than prayer. It is our mainstay and support. When I don't know what to do, I pray. When I've got too much to do, I pray. Even when everything is going well, I pray. I really think I accomplish far more and with greater effectiveness when my day is under girded with prayer. My focus is on what is most important instead of on minor things.

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