"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open." Corrie Ten BoomThe past few weeks have been a time of learning for me. I'm learning to open my hands, to let go. OK, the reality is that God is having to pry my fingers open. And yes, it does hurt. Some of the tightly held hurts that I've hugged closely for years...you know, the ones that you allow to define you. Well, God is in the process of helping me release the death grip I have on some of those hurts.
Who am I without those things that I've allowed to define me for far too long? I'm learning. And I'm rejoicing through the tears. I'm a child of God...and that needs to be my first identification. The real "who I am." All the rest is extra.
After the last few weeks, I felt like I'd not spent the time and energy with Boo that I should have. Last night, Boo was confused. But one thing he knew and knew with complete certainty. That was that he was God's child. He might not remember all he'd like, but he knows the essentials.
Boo and I discussed what is really important...for a short while. His ability to hold onto his thoughts was severely limited last night. One of the things that Boo said was that we need time to regroup, to rethink. Maybe that's what I've accomplished recently. I miss being able to talk with Boo about things anytime. Mentally, he's not able to do that on the spur of the moment. It makes those times when we can more precious.
One thing I know for sure: When God pries your fingers open, He wants you to have more. It may be a painful process, but God has more in store for you. Just as He does for Boo and for me.
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Kari,
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful ....
I struggle with thinking I know what's best, and ignoring God's Plan for me. It's HARD to let go.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you for sharing your heart. It is hard to let go some times. Praying for grace and strength for you.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through Titus 2sdays linkup, and I am so glad. My own Dear Hubby just got a diagnosis of COPD which is a disease that makes it difficult for him to breathe--lung damage, inflammation and exacerbation essentially. Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly as a caregiver for your own hubby. It makes me feel like I'm not alone and like the silly things I struggle with are "normal." Yep, like you I spent too much time and energy on my Dear Hubby last week and this week...I'm peeling my fingers away. God has him. I don't need to clutch onto him so tightly--he's in GOOD HANDS.
ReplyDelete